Dear Brother of Mine,
I am lying in my bed, nearly asleep, when I started thinking about something and I just had to reach down, grab my laptop, open to squint at the bright, bright screen, and share this with you. As you probably know from the matchmaker quizzes that have passed around school or an excessive amount of pink/red/stuffed things in stores, this is the month of love. “February, the month of love.” Come on, Hallmark, you know you need a bright, young, freckle-faced gal to help you out. Well, February has had the underlying theme of love for me, anyway. How could it not when my month looks like this: Jonathan and I have been dating for a year and a half this month, I have been in The Vagina Monologues/A Memory, Monologue, Rant and a Prayer (dramatic readings/plays that represent loving yourself and loving women), My family (that’s you!) have been out to support and love on me for these shows this month, the sermons at this wonderful church have been on love, and I have been beginning to understand communication research with my advisor whose main research was on “the communication between parents and children about sex and love”.
All of that lovey-dovey-shmovey stuff, but especially the research I have been looking at, have really made me stop and think about what our parents taught us about that crazy, four-letter word. This letter is going to be about that four-letter word in a sense of my family, in a sense of significant others, in a sense of my friends, and in a sense of God. I really feel that it can be applied anywhere, or at least that is what I have been taught.
College people teach you A TON of four-letter words; however, I already knew a solid foundation on one word coming in. Growing up in the organized chaos that many refer to as “the Mucci house”, the word “love” easily associates with the word “choice” for me. I think that stems off in a few directions—(1) you choose your loves first, and (2) you choose to love.
This lent season I am putting into practice my belief that love means choosing your “valentine” first. That means that time with God has got to come before time with my pillow, my friends Claire and Phil Dunphy, and the sixteen-slot-fruity-pebbles-holding-reeses-puffs-dispensing-cereal-haven. Trust me. That is not always an easy task in the crazy college life, but it’s a much easier task than giving up my only son (don’t worry, I don’t have any sons) or dying on a cross. It’s interesting to think how I could have gotten this idea that love is choosing the loved one first. Spotlight the parentals! Remember when we moved? I sometimes think about how much mom loved her job, her coworkers/best friends/goofy sociology-like people, living so close to work, and all those other crazy awesome benefits she had back in Illinois. I remember how much fun you had with twins down the street, how Nick was making really good friends with some kids, and how fantastic Miss Jeanie’s extra cake slices and mostaccioli were when we lived on Sierra. Then I think how MUCH we loved dad. How we had a choice: support him in his desire for a job that would make him happier or don’t support him in that desire. Mom chose him first because she loves him so much. Grandmas and Grandpas supported us because they love us. You boys chose to move on with your whole hearts because you love dad. Whether or not it was conscious? We all chose our valentine first because that IS love. Remember how much dad loves hockey and coaching hockey despite the amount of time it takes away from his already busy schedule? Well, he CHOSE to give up coaching hockey when asked because he absolutely loves mom. It makes me so proud to be in a family that shows me every day how important it is to choose each other first, and how that choice is love in itself.
I’ve seen quite a few chick flicks this Valentine season, and in addition to the shows they air on television, ANYONE could gather an extremely skewed version of love. The media portrays this whirlwind, perfect, extremely adorable, hallmark card puked version of love. And I’m sure it can be that way the first two weeks, the first two months, or for some just the first date, for others, maybe the first two years. However, people don’t just fit perfectly together with perfect-magazine-tied-bows on top. My tiny bit of actual experience, my large amount of observational experience, and my analysis of the differences between reality and “The Notebook” have led me to thoughts of a night sitting with mom a little over a year ago. We had just finished talking about 1 Corinthians 13 in youth group and my thoughts brought me to tears. I’m not patient. I’m not always kind (or smart, or important). I’m sometimes proud or envious or boastful or rude or self-seeking. I’m easily angered and I keep record of wrongs occasionally, I mean, I deal with three brothers a lot of the time. I don’t always protect and trust, and I fail ALL THE TIME! Is it just me? Or has anyone else ever looked at that list in the bible and thought “holy crap! That is a lot of freaking things…there is no way I can do all that”?
So, after explaining to mom that I haven’t quite mastered 1 Corinthians 13, she gave me a bit of advice that helps every single day. She said, “We have to choose to love every day. Some days they’ll make it easy, some days they’ll make it difficult, but either way we still have that choice.” From that day forward, I have tried to choose love, despite my failure to succeed at this a lot of the time. I may be irritated at the rain, but I can still choose to show love to the cashier at Winslow. I may be crabby about the amount of homework I have, but I can still choose to write you to tell you “I love you, thanks for making me laugh”. I may be ticked off that we couldn’t go on a date we had planned, but I can still choose to show my love to Jonathan.
Love isn’t just a flimsy feeling. It is a powerful action. I absolutely love when 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, “Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love”. Isn’t it great? I think so. Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say to you in this letter, Josh, is not to take love for granted. Throughout high school and college and LIFE, you’ll have to choose between love and something that isn’t love. You’ll get the chance to choose activities or meaningless things over the people you love. You will receive opportunities to stay angry at mom and dad and Nick and Max instead of choosing to let the little things go for love. You’ll have so many opportunities to choose, and I am just giving you my two cents that have that solid four-letter word written all over them. I give you those coins because I love you.
Always,
Your Favorite Sister
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